Ma and Pa were two hillbillies living in West Virginia out on a farm up in the hills.
Pa has found out that the hole under the outhouse is full. He goes into the house and tells Ma that he doesn't know what to do to empty the hole.
Ma says, "Why don't you go ask the young'n down the road? He must be smart 'cause he's a college gradjyate."
So Pa drives down to the neighbor's house and asks him, "Mr. College gradjyate, my outhouse hole is full, and I don't know what to do to empty it."
The young'n tells him, "Get yourself two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. Put them both under the outhouse and light them both at the same time. The first one will go off and shoot the outhouse in the air. While it's in the air the second one will then go off and spread the poop all across your farm, fertilizing your ground. The outhouse should then come back down to the same spot atop the now-empty hole."
Pa thanks the neighbor, then drives to the hardware store and picks up two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse.
He goes home and puts them under the outhouse. He then lights them and runs behind a tree.
All of a sudden, Ma comes running out of the house and into the outhouse!
Off goes the first stick of dynamite ... shooting the outhouse into the air.
BOOM! Off goes the second stick of dynamite ... spreading poop all over the farm.
WHAM! The outhouse comes crashing back down atop the hole.
Pa races to the outhouse, throws open the door and asks, "Ma, are you all right??!!"
As she pulls up her panties she says... "Yeah, but I'm sure glad I didn't fart in the kitchen".
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A woman awoke one morning and to her surprise she saw that there was a gorilla in her tree. She called animal control and soon enough a man pulled up in a white van. He got out of his van and took a look at the situation. He goes into his van and pulls out a pair of handcuffs, a long stick, a chiuaua and a shotgun. After witnessing this the woman say to him "What do you need all that for?"
The man replied "Well ma'am I'm gonna climb this here tree and poke the gorilla with this stick. When he falls out of the tree the chiuaua is going to bite him in his balls. When the gorilla reaches down to grab the dog I'm gonna put the handcuffs on him and haul him away." The woman then says "Well then what the hell is the shotgun for?" To which the man replies "Well, the gun is for you. If I fall out of the tree...shoot the goddamn chiuaua."
25th July 2005 17:47
