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haemma

SSD FTW!

Registered: Feb 2003
Location: wean
Posts: 1616
*hach* wie schön... *g*

click to enlarge
PIX

War, War never changes

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Hokum

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Tough day with your teenager? Read this.

The Goodbye Letter

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was
nicely made, and everything was picked up.

Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow.

It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope
and read the letter, with trembling hands.

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.

I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene
with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so
nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercing,
tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than
I am.

But it's not only the passion... Dad she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will
be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood
for the whole winter.

We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to
the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for
ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the
cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will
find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your
grandchildren.

Love, your son,
John.

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house.

I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the
report card that's in my center desk drawer. I love you! Call when it is
safe for me to come home."
So it goes.

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Ennsi

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click to enlargeclick to enlargeclick to enlargeclick to enlargeclick to enlarge

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Hokum

Techmarine
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click to enlarge
So it goes.

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nfin1te

LOVE, I AM IN YOU!
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Posts: 6411
http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bullshit_bingo


Haha, muss so geil sein in einem Meeting
sbt-rating: hier | fotoblog: dirtymoustache | Diablo 3
lg g2@ParanoidAndroid 4.4.2 | improve your mobile | CM-nightly-changelog
music: Maximo Park - The National Health | googlemusic
fun stuff: theoatmeal | hyperboleandahalf | 9gag | sexylosers
just stuff: teracopy | dropbox | googledrive | openDNS

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master_burn

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Location: near Quasi
Posts: 1989
Frage: Was ist Masturbation?
Antwort: Sex an und für sich.
Wenn g33k's fliegen könnten, dann wär das hier ein Flughafen!
Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee !
Du fährst in die Gegend von Grasse(Frankreich) und willst dir 10¤ verdienen? Bitte infach per PM melden!
Fleur de Sel (Salz) und Pfeffer
!!!NEU!!! Mein Podcast: https://itunes.apple.com/at/podcast...d687703375?l=en

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dolby

Losta Gweth
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Registered: Jul 2004
Location: Vienna
Posts: 5187
quote:


(21:27:51) (schibbu) ihr seit unter mein niwo
(21:28:08 ) ([St4lk3r]) erstmal nivou schreiben können
(21:28:16) (|m4rCeL) zu blöd nievo zu schreiben




lol
Menschen die sagen Vertrauen, Ehrlichkeit und Treue sind mir in einer Beziehung wichtig, wissen nicht, dass das die Voraussetzung ist.

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MrBurns

Back from Banland
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Registered: Apr 2003
Location: Wien
Posts: 1556
quote:

Originally posted by nfin1te
http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bullshit_bingo


Haha, muss so geil sein in einem Meeting



Ich hab ncoh was zu dem thema: http://www.server7485.com/awi/f067-...omat101text.htm

edit: dazu passend:

http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bullshit-Generator
http://pdos.csail.mit.edu/scigen/ (von diesem generator wurde sogar was bei einer Konferenz zugelassen, und das obwohl nicht einmal die einheiten bei den Grafiken stimmen, z.B. steht Clock Speed (dB))
http://www.pakin.org/complaint?titl...t&pgraphs=3

quote:

Lord John Q. Public V will almost certainly blow a gasket when he reads this letter but I indeed must make the case that I am not particularly fond of Lord Public. Let's get down to brass tacks: Lord Public has vowed that as soon as our backs are turned he'll heat the cauldron of terror until it boils over into our daily lives. This is hardly news; Lord Public has been vowing that for months with the regularity of a metronome. What is news is that he claims that he can walk on water. Predictably, he cites no hard data for that claim. This is because no such data exist. We must make this world a kinder, gentler place if we are ever to scrap the entire constellation of grotesque ideas that brought us to our present point. Yes, this is a bold, audacious, even unprecedented undertaking. Yes, it lacks any realistic guarantee of success. However, it is an undertaking that we must surely pursue because if I withheld my feelings on this matter, I'd be no less bloodthirsty than Lord Public.

I like to face facts. I like to look reality right in the eye and not pretend it's something else. And the reality of our present situation is this: Even if one is opposed to insidious recidivism (and I am), then surely, one could truthfully say that Lord Public profits from human suffering. But saying that would miss the real point, which is that he says that he defends the real needs of the working class. That's his unvarying story, and it's a lie: an extremely two-faced and polyloquent lie. Unfortunately, it's a lie that is accepted unquestioningly, uncritically, by Lord Public's comrades. Lord Public is planning to lead to the destruction of the human race. This does not bode well for the future, because he claims to be supportive of my plan to mention a bit about vapid vagrants such as Lord Public. Don't trust him, though; Lord Public's a wolf in sheep's clothing. Before you know it, he'll denigrate and discard all of Western culture. Not only that, but someone has been giving Lord Public's brain a very thorough washing, and now Lord Public is trying to do the same to us. Some critics have called Lord Public namby-pamby. A handful insist he's inane. His goombahs, on the other hand, consider him to be one of the great minds of this century.

Lord Public is totally mistaken if he believes that superstition is no less credible than proven scientific principles. We must improve the lot of humankind. Those who claim otherwise do so only to justify their own coprophagous comments. It is high time for someone to force Lord John Q. Public V into early retirement. Will that someone be you?


quote:

My complaint about Luke Skywalker
Before I can focus on the ignorance that abounds in Luke Skywalker's taradiddles, I must qualify Skywalker's character, his sources, and even his personal frame of mind towards me. For the sake of review, Skywalker's nostrums are evil. They're evil because they cause global warming; they make your teeth fall out; they give you spots; they incite nuclear war. And, as if that weren't enough, if you've never seen Skywalker spit on sacred icons, you're either incredibly unobservant or are concealing the truth from yourself. Let me back up a little: He insists that we can stop deconstructionism merely by permitting government officials entrée into private homes to search for litigious, stultiloquent nymphomaniacs. This fraud, this lie, is just one among the thousands he perpetrates.

Skywalker shouldn't label everyone he doesn't like as a racist, sexist, fascist, communist, or some equally terrible "-ist". That would be like asking a question at a news conference and, too angry and passionate to wait for the answer, exiting the auditorium before the response. Both of those actions hijack the word "roentgenographically" and use it to lead me down a path of pain and suffering. His emissaries are easily manipulated. There's nothing controversial about that view. It's a fact, pure and simple. It was a fact long before anyone realized that Skywalker possesses no significant intellectual skills whatsoever and has no interest in erudition. Heck, he can't even spell or define "erudition", much less achieve it.

Skywalker is not only demented, but he also lacks the self-control necessary to conform his behavior to reasonable norms. For your information, his toadies say, "The best way to make a point is with foaming-at-the-mouth rhetoric and letters filled primarily with exclamation points." Yes, I'm afraid they really do talk like that. It's the only way for them to conceal that Skywalker wants to jump on everything that is written, said, or even implied and label it as either jackbooted or deluded. Why he wants that, I don't know, but that's what he wants. Relative to just a few years ago, inhumane, mendacious polyloquent-types are nearly ten times as likely to believe that he is a bearer and agent of the Creator's purpose. This is neither a coincidence nor simply a sign of the times. Rather, it reflects a sophisticated, psychological warfare program designed by Skywalker to perpetuate the nonsense known technically as the analytic/synthetic dichotomy. Although it would be better for Luke Skywalker to do nothing than to manipulate everything and everybody, we are here to gain our voice in this world, and whether or not he approves, we will continue to be heard.



Manchmal komen sogar sachen heraus, die teilweise ganz gut passen:

quote:

My complaint about Lord Darth Vader
I've been debating with myself over the last few weeks whether or not I should write this letter. Obviously, I outvoted myself and wrote it. I concluded I absolutely had to tell you that Lord Darth Vader is a mythmaker, an illusion builder, or to put it less politely, a trickster. As this letter will make clear, Lord Vader's propaganda factories continuously spew forth messages like, "Violence and prejudice are funny" and, "Lord Vader answers to no one". What they don't tell you, though, is that you, of course, now need some hard evidence that when Lord Vader repeated over and over the rumor that things have never been better, his goons, never too difficult to fool, swallowed it. Well, how about this for evidence: Just the other day, some of Lord Vader's illogical yes-men forced a prospectus into my hands as I walked past. The prospectus described Lord Vader's blueprint for a world in which superstitious lummoxes are free to force us to tailor our pronouncements just to suit his insensitive whims. As I dropped the prospectus onto an overflowing wastebasket, I reflected upon the way that Lord Vader occasionally shows what appears to be warmth, joy, love, or compassion. You should realize, however, that these positive expressions are more feigned than experienced and invariably serve an ulterior motive, such as to help beer-guzzling, anti-democratic fugitives evade capture by the authorities. Aside from the fact that Lord Vader's commentaries are part of a larger attack on the very notion of meritocracy and quality, it strikes me as amusing that Lord Vader complains about people who do nothing but complain. Well, news flash! He does nothing but complain.

How I pity Lord Vader if I were to be his judge. I would start by notifying the jury that Lord Vader deeply believes that a richly evocative description of a problem automatically implies the correct solution to that problem. Meanwhile, back on Earth, the truth is very simple: I want to fight the warped, distorted, misshapen, unwholesome monstrosity that Lord Vader's rantings have become. That may seem simple enough, but Lord Vader ignores a breathtaking number of facts, most notably:

Fact: Lord Vader's insolent beliefs are largely due to his drawing mistaken conclusions from what he wrongly takes to be evidence.

Fact: Lord Vader is always demanding money, sympathy, and the punishment of his critics.

Fact: Lord Vader is perfectly willing to show his embarrassingly poor reasoning and warped ethics in print.

In addition, the hour is late indeed. Fortunately, it's not yet too late to make this world a better place in which to live. Imperialism is the answer, but only if the question was, "What's the moral equivalent of letting Lord Vader place our children at imminent risk of serious harm?" Every time he tells his companions that he is omnipotent, their eyes roll into the backs of their heads as they become mindless receptacles of unsubstantiated information, which they accept without question. To tell you the truth, his hatchet men all have serious personal problems. In fact, the way Lord Vader keeps them loyal to him is by encouraging and exacerbating these problems rather than by helping to overcome them. To be fair, we must overcome the fears that beset us every day of our lives. We must overcome the fear that he will develop mind-control technology. And to overcome these fears, we must break the spell of great expectations that now binds inconsiderate vendors of autism to Lord Vader.

To bring the matter closer to home, let me remind you that Lord Vader's idiotic claim that he is beyond reproach is just that, an idiotic claim. Lord Vader's personal attacks are based on two fundamental errors. They assume that the federal government should take more and more of our hard-earned money and more and more of our hard-won rights. And they promote the mistaken idea that black is white and night is day. Still, the issue of what to do about Lord Darth Vader's improvident wheelings and dealings is far from settled. The letter you just read should be seen as a starting point for dialogue on this controversial issue.

Last edited by MrBurns on 05.04.2006 at 21:30

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Joe_the_tulip

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Location: Wien
Posts: 14601
Marketing
MARKETING WEIBLICH:

====================



Du bist auf einer Party. Du siehst einen attraktiven, jungen Mann.

Du gehst zu ihm hin und sagst: "Ich bin ziemlich gut im Bett!"



Das ist Directmarketing.





Du bist auf einer Party. Du siehst einen attraktiven, jungen Mann.

Du fragst nach seiner Handynummer. Am nächsten Tag rufst du ihn an und sagst

ihm: "Ich bin ziemlich gut im Bett!"



Das ist Telemarketing.





Du bist mit einigen Freunden auf einer Party. Du siehst einen attraktiven, jungen Mann. Einer deiner Freunde geht zu ihm hin und sagt: "Die da hinten ist ziemlich gut im Bett!"



Das ist Werbung.





Du bist auf einer Party. Du siehst einen attraktiven, jungen Mann. Du gehst zu ihm hin und frischst seine Erinnerung auf: "Kannst du dich noch an unser Date vor zwei Wochen erinnern. Weißt du noch, wie gut ich im Bett war?"



Das ist Customer Relationship Management (CRM).





Du bist auf einer Party. Du siehst einen attraktiven, jungen Mann. Du gehst zu ihm hin und sagst ihm: "Ich bin ziemlich gut im Bett!" Dann ziehst du deine Bluse aus und zeigst ihm deinen Busen.



Das ist Merchandizing.





Du bist auf einer Party. Du siehst einen attraktiven, jungen Mann. Du gehst zu ihm hin, sagst ihm, wie geschmackvoll er angezogen ist und wie gut er riecht. Dann schenkst du ihm ein Glas Wein ein, zündest ihm eine Zigarette an und sagst ihm: "Ich bin ziemlich gut im Bett!"



Das ist PR (Public Relation).





MARKETING MÄNNLICH:

====================





Du bist auf einer Party. Du siehst eine attraktive, junge Frau. Du gehst zu ihr hin und sagst ihr: "Ich bin ziemlich gut im Bett und außerdem kann ich die ganze Nacht ohne Pause!"



Das ist irreführende Werbung .. und die ist gesetzlich verboten.
Ehrgeiz ist die letzte Zuflucht des Verlierers.
...es gibt viele Oaschloch-Selbsthilfegruppen...Scientology...das BZÖ...
Leben ist Bewegung - wer sich nicht bewegt ist tot.

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Hokum

Techmarine
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Du gehst auf eine Party und siehst ein attraktives Mädchen auf der anderen Seite des Raumes. Du gehst zu ihr und sagst: "Hallo, ich bin großartig im Bett, wie wärs mit uns?"

Das nennt man Direct Marketing.

Du gehst auf eine Party und siehst ein attraktives Mädchen auf der anderen Seite des Raumes. Du gibst einer Freundin einen Hunderter. Sie steht auf und sagt: "Hallo, mein Freund dort hinten ist großartig im Bett, wie wärs?"

Das ist Werbung.

Du gehst auf eine Party und siehst ein attraktives Mädchen auf der anderen Seite des Raumes. Du gibst zwei Freundinnen von Dir einen Hunderter, damit sie sich in Hörweite des Mädchens stellen und darüber sprechen, wie großartig Du im Bett bist und wie heiß du bist.

Das nennt man Public-Relations.

Du gehst auf eine Party und siehst ein attraktives Mädchen auf der anderen Seite des Raumes. Du erkennst sie wieder. Du gehst zu ihr rüber, frischst ihre Erinnerung auf und bringst sie zu Lachen und Kichern. Und dann wirfst Du ein: "Hallo, ich bin großartig im Bett, wie wärs mit uns?"

Das ist Customer Relationship Management.

Du gehst auf eine Party und siehst ein attraktives Mädchen auf der anderen Seite des Raumes. Du ziehst Deine tollen Klamotten an, läufst herum und spielst Mr. Beschäftigt. Du setzt Dein bestes Lächeln auf, läufst herum und spielst Mr. Sympathisch. Du frischst Deinen Wortschatz in Deinem Gedächtnis auf und spielst Mr. Höflich. Du unterhältst Dich mit sanfter und weicher Stimme, Du öffnest die Tür für alle Frauen, Du lächelst wie ein Traum, Du verbreitest eine Aura um Dich herum, Du spielst Mr. Gentleman und dann gehst Du zu dem Mädchen und fragst: "Hallo, ich bin großartig im Bett, wie wärs mit uns?"

Das ist Hard Selling.

Du gehst auf eine Party und siehst ein attraktives Mädchen auf der anderen Seite des Raumes. SIE KOMMT HERÜBER und sagt: "Hallo, ich habe gehört, dass Du großartig im Bett bist, wie wärs mit uns?" Nun, DAS, sehr geehrte Damen und Herren,

ist die KRAFT DER MARKE.

Du gehst auf eine Party - langweilst alle mit Deinen nichtssagenden Aussagen - ein Schwarm von Mädchen kommt zu Dir und sagt: "Hallo, ich habe gehört, Du bist gar nicht so gut im Bett und trotzdem gehen alle mit Dir dorthin. Irgend etwas muß an Dir dran sein - wir zahlen jeden Preis - aber bitte lass'uns mit Dir ins Bett gehen !" Nun:

DAS , das ist SAP...
So it goes.

Last edited by Hokum on 09.04.2006 at 19:55

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Hokum

Techmarine
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Location: Wien
Posts: 2053
mahaha grad auf nem englischen forum gefunden, i brich weg:


A German guy approaches a prostitute and says " I vish to buy sex vit you"
>"OK" says the girl, "I'll charge £100 an hour"
>
>" Ist goot, But I must varn you, I am a little kinky" "No problem" she
>replies cautiously, "I can do a little kinky"
>So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large
>bedsprings and a duck caller "I vant you to tie ze springs to each of your
>limbs."
>
>The girl finds this very strange, but complies, fastening the springs to
>her
>hands and knees.
>"Now you vill get on your hans and knees." She duly does this, balancing on
>the springs
>
>"You vill please blow zis vistle as I make love to you." She finds all this
>very odd, but figures it's harmless, and the guy is paying.
>
>The sex is fantastic. She is bounced all over the room by the energetic
>German, all the time honking on the duck caller.
>
>The climax is the most sensational she has ever experienced, and it is
>several minutes before she has recovered her breath.
>
>Finally she gasps "That was totally amazing....... what do you call that?"
>




>"Ah", says the German, "Four-sprung duck technique"
So it goes.

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lagwagon

bierfräser
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http://www.firefoxflicks.com/flick/?id=19542

wwweeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!
mhuahahahhahahahahahahhahahahha
lg

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flying_teapot

Undiskutant
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Location: Nahe am Hotspot
Posts: 4106
Gerade aus dem Film "Memphis Belle" gehört :

Im 2.Weltkrieg wird ein britischer Kampfpilot von den Deutschen abgeschossen.Ziemlich schwer verletzt wird er von der GeStaPo verhört,wobei er im Laufe der Zeit aufgrund seiner argen Verletzungen sein rechtes Bein verliert.Er bittet die Deutschen,sein Bein beim nächsten Luftangriff mitzunehmen und über England abzuwerfen.Dieser Wunsch wird ihm in der Hoffnung auf bessere Kooperation erfüllt.

2 Tage später verliert er auch noch sein linkes Bein, gleicher Wunsch, wird erledigt.

Nach einer Woche kommt noch sein linker Arm nach, und als dann der rechte Arm "dran" ist, wird ihm das von der GeStaPo verweigert.

Die Begründung : "Sie stehen unter Verdacht einen Fluchtversuch zu planen" :)

Nostalgia.
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Wer der Herde hinterher läuft folgt den @rschlöchern.
--> Support your Community ! shop.overclockers.at <--

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Joe_the_tulip

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Ehrgeiz ist die letzte Zuflucht des Verlierers.
...es gibt viele Oaschloch-Selbsthilfegruppen...Scientology...das BZÖ...
Leben ist Bewegung - wer sich nicht bewegt ist tot.

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Hokum

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click to enlarge
So it goes.

Old Post 29.04.2006 - 02:57 Hokum is offline Click Here to See the Profile for Hokum Click here to Send Hokum a Private Message Find more posts by Hokum Add Hokum to your buddy list
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